New Year, New everything

   This last year was a bit of a tough one for most of the people I know. There were so many things lost but yet a lot of "light at the end of the tunnel" moments as well. The people we lost this year are dearly missed and the new additions are greatly cherished. Death and loss really make people wake up, sometimes. Then there are some who are just consumed by grief. All I can do is pray that these people find peace and hope that they remember to love those who are still here and want to help.

That being said, Happy New Year!! The new year always brings out the best in people. At least for a while. Hopefully it brings out the best in all of you. This year is already shaping up to be a busy one for us. Desi was accepted onto the Spring Select team for soccer, which means long practices and weekend long tournaments. She will also have marching band performances at Knotts, Disneyland, and tons of others. Des has been blossoming in Middle School and I could not be prouder! She finished her first semester with straight A's which was no easy feat. Aliyah is top of her class with straight A's as well as Aiden! Proud momma here :) Cambria will be starting Preschool this year, crazy... Not sure I am ready for this. 

     I expect this year to be a tough one for parenting. Desi has been a pretty awesome preteen so far, but you never know what is around the corner. The never-ending task of coparenting with the girls father has taken a turn towards a very tough uphill battle and this may very well be the year it explodes. People change, sometimes not for the better, its a lesson the girls are learning very closely right now. Lets just hope for the best.

    

    Now, on to a happier note, my dad is here for a few days and I am over the moon about it. He is staying with us and we are even doing a Disneyland day! 

     Here is to a New Year! To New Beginnings! To New Friends! To Old Friends! To Lots of Coffee! To Lots of Disney!

    

                                 

Rain, Rain....

    I have taken a few months off from writing, everything that would have been publish would have been sad. Bits of goodness would have been sprinkled throughout but it was a hard couple of months. There have been deaths, births, big losses, and plenty of my people going through very tough times. With all that being said, I think everyone is hopeful for the new year to come!
    I love to read or write when it's cold and raining which is what probably sparked something in me today. The holidays are approaching rapidly and I am so excited/stressed. Bria has become quite the Christmas fanatic. She loves it all! She is so excited and it warms my heart to no end to watch her. Desi has hit full preteen. She will be 12, and couldn't  honestly care less about any of this. Aliyah and Aiden are excited but are moving out of the wonderment stages.  I know this holiday will be a tough one while we miss the people we have lost this year, but I  hopeful that the new memories made will be happy ones.
    I will  be more active on here with all the craziness that will be coming :) I'll need a place to rant! Lets leave this a short and sweet welcome back with a few pictures of my favorite kinda days, rainy, sleepy, almost Christmas time goodness!

Stand not follow

    It has been sometime since I have posted anything which makes me sad. I am "here" now and will not be discouraged to express myself again. There have been things that I have posted on here or on other forms of social media that have caused a little stir with some people, which has made me cautious and has made me hold back on the way I feel. I am no longer going to worry about what I post as it is my right to express myself as long as I do so in a tactful manner. I do not believe that the things that I have said or posted were in any way directed at the people who have had the most to say about them. I do not force anyone to read my blog or be friends with me on any social media. No offense to anyone, but if what I say or post offends you, kindly unfriend or unfollow.

    This has been a hard road for me to get to a place where I do not feel that I need others approval. I wanted so much for everyone to like me and for everyone to be my friend. As I have gotten older and now have young ladies (and boy) I am shaping, I am finding myself explaining to them how not everyone will like them and how to deal with it. But here I am still coping with it today. How do I teach them to search inside and be happy with who they are and to be proud to stand up for what they believe, if I become to timid to do the same? I need to be the strong woman I know that I can be. 
    Loving people is something that can be very hard to do, especially for those who are hard to love. I am working everyday to love and pray for those that have wronged me and I am trying to teach my children to do the same. I know it will be tough for them as time goes, there will be plenty of hard to love people in their paths. it is so important for them to learn that loving someone does not mean that you have to be near them, just that you wish them nothing but the best no matter how they have hurt you. Pray for them everyday. Even if its hard, open your arms to them in their times of need.
    I do believe in standing up for yourself and the things that you believe in. It takes a certain strength to stand while others follow. I want my children to have convictions and strong hearts. My hope is that can always stand during the times they are beaten down. Never to go look to harm, yet never let harm beat them.
    This will be a long road, but with a full heart and a good sense of who I am, I will be able to walk with my head held high and my heart open. As a model to my children I hope they walk the same way down whichever roads they are given. We as parents are the first examples to our children, lets try to do it right. If we show them to love everyone especially themselves, half the battle is won.     

Its all uphill from here

    Sometimes your best laid plans don't pan out the way you had hoped. Sometimes they are better, other times they are so much worse. This has pretty much been the theme of my life. No matter how good or bad, each situation or choice has gotten me to the place I am today. For that I am eternally grateful. I love where my life has landed me. Nevertheless, there are still many more situations and decisions to work through.
    A major decision needs to be made soon. My older girls dad has returned after 7 months of being deployed in Afghanistan. Before he left there were many issues that needed to be resolved and I had those 7 months to reflect and decide what I want. My girls are getting older and it is harder to be a good parent in their eyes. To many people, him having the girls most weekends, paying child support, and helping supply needs and wants make him an awesome father. To a point, I agree. 
    To me the lines between great father and glorified babysitter are very blurred. When sitting watching TV together and buying them stuff is no longer enough, what do you do? What do I do as their mother? I had hoped that the time apart would make their relationship stronger, that he would have missed them so much that when he returned it would be hard to pry them apart. This has not been the case at all.  Now, it is time for me to decide to pouch the issue of keeping them with me more. Changing a visitation agreement is nothing that I want to have to go through in court, but it may be my only choice. He refuses to be cooperative with anything and I hate fighting childlike personalities.
    I want my girls to feel emotionally wanted. I want them to feel like they are appreciated. hopefully things get better. Hopefully things get easier. Heres to an uphill battle....
    I pray that I can keep a level head and not let anger or other emotions cloud my judgments during this process.

Is it enough?

    Raising children is difficult. It can be the most trying thing at times. As hard and tiring as it is, there is nothing I want to do more. Being the person I am, I worry constantly. I always am wondering what I can do to help my children in the right path without becoming over barring. As their mother I believe that I should be able to have a say in who they are with and what they do, within reason. I don't expect to dictate their personal relationships when they are older. But seeing as they are all still children, I do have the right to make my opinion known. 
    Co Parenting is hard. It is hard to have different rules and values and expect the children to navigate which to choose and which to disregard. My girls are getting older and are starting to realize the differences in their full time home (mine) and their weekend home (their dad). The past five and a half months they girls have been with me only while their dad is in Afghanistan. My oldest has been doing a little soul searching during this time it seems. She has become angry with her dad and not looking forward to his return. I am not sure how to approach her with the subject. She has suggested changing his visitations when he returns and I probably will. 
    How do you force your child to go somewhere she doesn't want to be? In my opinion, you don't. Our other daughter does not have theses feelings and is truly excited that her father will be back in a little over a month. I am hoping that things go smoothly but I am very cautious. He has made poor choices with them and has let other influences take the front seat. He has brought less than favorable people into their lives and that makes me extremely nervous. 
    As their mom, I only want the best, most outstanding people involved in their lives. I want them to have amazing examples of women to strive to be like. I can only pray that as these next few crucial years pass, that my girls choose the right path. I can only pray that I find a balance with their father. I have to try and trust that I am doing a great job with them and they will not seek to many outside influences.  

Let's get started!

    A new year is here! I kind of took the last few months off because of the craziness that holidays are. Everything went a lot smoother than I had expected. There was no fighting, kids got everything they wanted, and I was not as stressed as I had been. 
    The kids are still on winter break for another week, which is a long time. They have gotten a little stir crazy. Everything has been on break, we don't have soccer, band, chess, or boy scouts. Luckily, this weekend we sent the kids with grandparents and aunts so that they could have a break from each other. I can't wait to be back on a schedule and have the chaos back, it has been to quiet.
    New Years often brings on everyones resolutions and statuses about how they are going to be better or healthier people. I am not one of those people. I believe if there is something you are going to change then you will, regardless of what day it is. 
    Hopefully everyone has the year they want to have or better. I for one, am excited for this year and the changes that will be happening. 

Tuesday's Resting Hour

    On Tuesdays I have about and hour completely to myself. Cambria now goes to a grandparents on Tuesdays when the hubby goes to work. It really helps a lot while I juggle picking up from band, taking to soccer, and Cub Scout meetings. Any of you reading that have the blessing of four children know that if you are missing just one it is a completely different dynamic. So, before I go pick up the others from school, I have a chance to catch up :)
    Last week was very hectic. Monday started lovely, I was even thinking that I might have to whole day to relax and do nothing but basic mommy duties. Then I got the call from school just 30 minutes before they were supposed to get out. My little guy was injured. Someone dropped a rock(small boulder) on his finger. The momma bear in me wanted to go find that boy and drop a rock on him! Aiden is one of the most gentle loving kids I know, and it broke my heart to see him in so much pain. We spent the evening in the hospital getting X-rays and getting his pinky cleaned and wrapped. Not broken, but the whole nail was popped off. He is doing ok now, "just hurts a little" he says. 

    Tuesday was the normal, cub scouts and soccer. Desi had a game instead of practice and they won 4-0. (Saturday we won 6-1) It's a great team this year! 

Thursday the girls had a dentist appointment and we found out Aliyah had chipped a tooth and needed a root canal... But as they numbed her as much as they possibly could, she was still feeling it and they realized it was to infected. So by the time we were done there and done filling prescriptions and done visiting with my mom, I was just done. Friday was normal soccer and Saturday we went to the fair! The fair was fun, the kids all enjoyed it and as we were walking a lady stopped us and asked if she could give the kids free tickets to the concert there that night. So, the kids got to see Zendaya, who was on dancing with the stars and  is on Shake it Up, a show the kids love! 

    Busy as always, delightful none the less. 

      So I leave you with a few tips

• Always carry your kids medical cards with you (or at least the number)
• Carry first aid kit (with gauze)
• If you need help with other children, ASK!
• Keep snacks in your car
• Accept that a well planned week may blow up in your face at any given time
• Relax and enjoy the ride

What's direction?!

    Another few weeks go by.... Well, we have had two birthdays since I was on last. Aliyah turned eight and I turned twenty-eight. It was good birthday fun all around. I remember a time where my birthday was important or a big deal to me, but it just really isn't anymore. Aliyah's is two days after so hers takes precedence. 

We had a lovely time this weekend, soccer and Disneyland on Saturday, little get together on Sunday. 
    Soccer was great! 

Desi's team, the Ding-Dongs, won their first game 7-1! Desi made one goal and assisted with three others. She is so happy to be doing what she loves again! Desi has also joined bad this year and will be playing trumpet. Her schedule is filling up quickly, Mon-Fri she has school 8am-2pm; Tue- band 2:15-3:30pm, Soccer 5:30-6:30pm; Thur- band 8:15-9:30am, Chess Club 2:05-3:30pm; Fri- Soccer 5:30-6:30. Then to top it off we have games every Saturday. Busy Desi, busy mom. With Aliyah and Aiden we have Cub Scouts most Tuesdays 6:00-7:00pm, Student Leadership Wednesdays 2:00-3:00pm, and Art class on Saturday mornings 10:20-11:00am.
    Yes, I am exhausted. I have close to no energy, but the kids are happy and that makes me happy. Hopefully they all stick with what they have chosen to do, but only time will tell. I am going to make an effort to have more informative posts. What are things YOU want to know about? What do YOU as readers want hear? I would love feedback and maybe point this blog in a direction! Thanks for reading!!

Routine

    Summer is over! School has started and the hubby's vacation is over. Hopefully the routine of being a stay at home mom will creep up gently. I am very much looking forward to routine again. This is also the first time in eight years that I will only have one child most of the day, which scares me. I am not sure what I will do with myself. Mornings will be quiet, evenings and weekend should be pretty busy. We will have soccer, art class, chess club, and Boy Scouts, we will be busy indeed. 
    We didn't do as much as we usually do this summer, but we did have a lot of trips to Disneyland! 

The kids started school this last week and I couldn't be happier with their teachers. Desi is in the highest fifth grade class and loves her teacher. He has always taught fifth grade and seems to know how to get them to challenge themselves. Desi has also joined chess club which, on top of soccer three days a week, will keep her very occupied. Aliyah did so well last year that she was placed in a third/fourth combo class and she loves it! My little man, Aiden, started off in an average first grade class but was moved the next day to a first/second grade class. He loves the challenge and his teacher.

I am such a proud mommy! Hopefully the kiddos enthusiasm for education sticks with them. Now that the older three are in school from 8am till 2pm, I will probably be able to stick to the blog a little better. Here's to hoping! 

A needed calm

It has been almost two weeks since I posted last! Oops! There has been quite a bit going on lately, I guess. Baby showers, weddings, soccer tournaments, holidays, a bit of sickness. Things are much calmer now but for me it is a bit antagonizing. I am so used to the busyness that when I finally do come to a halt, it hits hard. Yesterday and today have not had any major accomplishments. Food was made, kids were bathed, some laundry was done.... but that's about it. No deep cleaning or mopping of floors or art projects. The living room and I are best friends at the moment while I am still trying to fight off this head/chest cold that has been haunting me for the last week. My mind has been racing with thing I need to do but my body has won that disagreement. I need to stop and rest, I know that, but it's so hard.
School starts again in 35 days. I will have a 5th, 3rd, and 1st grader in school from 8:00 am until 2:00 pm. It is great that they will all be there the same times and I won't have to be running back and forth like I did while I had one in Kinder. I am happy for the school year to start, not because I want to kids to leave, but because they enjoy it so much. They love having their separate friends and the chance to be individuals, which is hard here at home for them. There are a few things I am a little worried/sad about when school starts. One, Cambria, she is going to have a hard time with her siblings being gone all morning. I am sure she will come to appreciate the alone time with mommy and with the toys she wants to play with. Second, Desi, this is her last year of elementary school.
This time next year I will be getting my little girl ready for middle school. I don't know if I am ready for that! I remember the challenges that middle school brought and I am worried I won't be enough to help her when some of those challenges arise. Boys, clothes, mean girls.... ugh. Not looking forward to it at all. All the preteen things that we are already dealing with are just the tip of the iceberg. Luckily, she is an awesome kid with no serious attitude problems. Other than getting a little emotional and a slight raising of her voice with certain subjects, we see eye to eye and work out any discrepancies calmly and quietly. I love her to death and couldn't have been blessed with a more perfect first child. Sometimes I think she has made it to easy for me.
So, here is to the next 35 days. Hopefully this calm time will be good for everyone. I believe we all kind of need it.

Co-Parenting

It has been a few days since my last post, mostly because I received a little heat for the topic. Oh well, move on. This post isn't nearly as angry, I promise. 
Co-Parenting is something I deal with everyday. My oldest two kiddos were fathered by my "high school sweetheart". We were super young and dumb but we made this work. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, her dad has been pretty much all in. He was a great dad while we were together and made amazing efforts when we decided we didn't work well as a couple. When our second daughter was born things were a little more complicated but he still put in a strong effort to be a part of their lives. For the last 7 years he has had the girls three weekends a month and pays child support without a problem. We get along and for the most part have no problems between us.
Now I can not sit here and say things are all roses and sunshine. We have had a good amount of arguments or disagreements. All I can do is offer the little bit of of information on how we make our relationship work.

• Don't talk badly about the other parent in front of your children. This confuses them and makes them feel like they have to pick a side. They should be able to turn to both of you and feel that no matter who they turn to things will be alright.
• Try and agree on some rules for both houses. If your co-parent doesn't allow sodas then try to do the same at your house. This provides a sense of unity and stability in an otherwise chaotic situation.
• Talk to each other. Tell your co-parent about highlights from the week and exciting things that happened at school. Make sure they are aware of school events they can attend. 
• Do not fight in front of the kids! Save it for another time. Meet up for lunch or coffee or make your frustrated phone calls after the little ones are in bed. If they are around the fighting they will feel pulled in two. They will start to feel as if they are the reason that you two are fighting. Don't do that to your babies.

There are plenty of little things you two will have to work out, little kinks that only you two will have. For the sake of your children try to put away the emotional turmoil that has been built between you. Everyone's situation is different and I am not saying it is going to be easy. But try, try for your children to be friends with their other parent. The only ones who truly suffer from a bad co-parenting relationship are the children. Try to make it work in the best way possible for all off you.