New Year, New everything

   This last year was a bit of a tough one for most of the people I know. There were so many things lost but yet a lot of "light at the end of the tunnel" moments as well. The people we lost this year are dearly missed and the new additions are greatly cherished. Death and loss really make people wake up, sometimes. Then there are some who are just consumed by grief. All I can do is pray that these people find peace and hope that they remember to love those who are still here and want to help.

That being said, Happy New Year!! The new year always brings out the best in people. At least for a while. Hopefully it brings out the best in all of you. This year is already shaping up to be a busy one for us. Desi was accepted onto the Spring Select team for soccer, which means long practices and weekend long tournaments. She will also have marching band performances at Knotts, Disneyland, and tons of others. Des has been blossoming in Middle School and I could not be prouder! She finished her first semester with straight A's which was no easy feat. Aliyah is top of her class with straight A's as well as Aiden! Proud momma here :) Cambria will be starting Preschool this year, crazy... Not sure I am ready for this. 

     I expect this year to be a tough one for parenting. Desi has been a pretty awesome preteen so far, but you never know what is around the corner. The never-ending task of coparenting with the girls father has taken a turn towards a very tough uphill battle and this may very well be the year it explodes. People change, sometimes not for the better, its a lesson the girls are learning very closely right now. Lets just hope for the best.

    

    Now, on to a happier note, my dad is here for a few days and I am over the moon about it. He is staying with us and we are even doing a Disneyland day! 

     Here is to a New Year! To New Beginnings! To New Friends! To Old Friends! To Lots of Coffee! To Lots of Disney!

    

                                 

Is it enough?

    Raising children is difficult. It can be the most trying thing at times. As hard and tiring as it is, there is nothing I want to do more. Being the person I am, I worry constantly. I always am wondering what I can do to help my children in the right path without becoming over barring. As their mother I believe that I should be able to have a say in who they are with and what they do, within reason. I don't expect to dictate their personal relationships when they are older. But seeing as they are all still children, I do have the right to make my opinion known. 
    Co Parenting is hard. It is hard to have different rules and values and expect the children to navigate which to choose and which to disregard. My girls are getting older and are starting to realize the differences in their full time home (mine) and their weekend home (their dad). The past five and a half months they girls have been with me only while their dad is in Afghanistan. My oldest has been doing a little soul searching during this time it seems. She has become angry with her dad and not looking forward to his return. I am not sure how to approach her with the subject. She has suggested changing his visitations when he returns and I probably will. 
    How do you force your child to go somewhere she doesn't want to be? In my opinion, you don't. Our other daughter does not have theses feelings and is truly excited that her father will be back in a little over a month. I am hoping that things go smoothly but I am very cautious. He has made poor choices with them and has let other influences take the front seat. He has brought less than favorable people into their lives and that makes me extremely nervous. 
    As their mom, I only want the best, most outstanding people involved in their lives. I want them to have amazing examples of women to strive to be like. I can only pray that as these next few crucial years pass, that my girls choose the right path. I can only pray that I find a balance with their father. I have to try and trust that I am doing a great job with them and they will not seek to many outside influences.  

Co-Parenting

It has been a few days since my last post, mostly because I received a little heat for the topic. Oh well, move on. This post isn't nearly as angry, I promise. 
Co-Parenting is something I deal with everyday. My oldest two kiddos were fathered by my "high school sweetheart". We were super young and dumb but we made this work. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, her dad has been pretty much all in. He was a great dad while we were together and made amazing efforts when we decided we didn't work well as a couple. When our second daughter was born things were a little more complicated but he still put in a strong effort to be a part of their lives. For the last 7 years he has had the girls three weekends a month and pays child support without a problem. We get along and for the most part have no problems between us.
Now I can not sit here and say things are all roses and sunshine. We have had a good amount of arguments or disagreements. All I can do is offer the little bit of of information on how we make our relationship work.

• Don't talk badly about the other parent in front of your children. This confuses them and makes them feel like they have to pick a side. They should be able to turn to both of you and feel that no matter who they turn to things will be alright.
• Try and agree on some rules for both houses. If your co-parent doesn't allow sodas then try to do the same at your house. This provides a sense of unity and stability in an otherwise chaotic situation.
• Talk to each other. Tell your co-parent about highlights from the week and exciting things that happened at school. Make sure they are aware of school events they can attend. 
• Do not fight in front of the kids! Save it for another time. Meet up for lunch or coffee or make your frustrated phone calls after the little ones are in bed. If they are around the fighting they will feel pulled in two. They will start to feel as if they are the reason that you two are fighting. Don't do that to your babies.

There are plenty of little things you two will have to work out, little kinks that only you two will have. For the sake of your children try to put away the emotional turmoil that has been built between you. Everyone's situation is different and I am not saying it is going to be easy. But try, try for your children to be friends with their other parent. The only ones who truly suffer from a bad co-parenting relationship are the children. Try to make it work in the best way possible for all off you.