Friendships

Another two weeks go by... Well there isn't a lot of exciting things going on right now. At first that was great, I really thought that I needed a calm few weeks before school starts again (21 more days). But honestly I am going crazy! Sure we have made a few visits to Disneyland, but other then that there has been nothing. My kids don't seem to mind nearly as much as I do. Today, ALL four of my kiddos are gone and I am a little stir crazy. Hopefully going out to dinner with one of my closest friends will get me out of this funk. This Saturday I am going to a girls lunch thing with some of my oldest friends. It usually last all day and most of the night, so I am really looking forward to that time with other adult women.

For me, friendships have been hard to maintain. Ever since I was young I have had a hard time opening up to people and letting my guard down. There was always something that I was hiding from everyone, mostly my mother. Almost all my friends in grade school had stable families and mine wasn't like that. I was embarrassed. As I got a little older I became even more guarded. Then being a pregnant teen, I lost most of the people I thought were close friends. There are a few girls that I still talk to from that part in my life and I cherish each one of them. After having Desi I moved out of state and had no one really. Quickly there were all these girls that accepted me with all my faults. The friends I mad while I was living in Oregon are some of my most valued. We don't talk very often, but I truly believe that those women would do anything for me and I the same for them. Ladies, you know who you are :)

Now that I have been back here for quite some time and my marriage is in a super steady place, I have found the need for close friend relationships like the ones you see in the TV shows.... I have Rachel, my oldest closest friend. We went to Kindergarten together then met again in 6th grade. We weren't best friends right off the bat but quickly that changed. High school years were a little hard for us cause we were so wrapped up in boyfriends and such. But when she became pregnant a few months after me our relationship took a turn for the unbreakable kind. We are so different but yet so similar. I am glad to call her my best friend and my sister. Vero, is my other bestie. She keeps me young and gives me the satisfaction of being the "older sister".

She is actually my ex's baby sister. It took awhile for us to become the way we are now (probably because of the age gap) but I don't know what I would do without her. She is also the Godmother to ALL four of the kiddos.

This Saturday ladies lunch will hopefully continue so that I can build a better relationship with these woman that I was friends with in grade school.  The sense of camaraderie is something that I look forward to!

Well have a good weekend, and remember to love and cherish those you are close to!!

A needed calm

It has been almost two weeks since I posted last! Oops! There has been quite a bit going on lately, I guess. Baby showers, weddings, soccer tournaments, holidays, a bit of sickness. Things are much calmer now but for me it is a bit antagonizing. I am so used to the busyness that when I finally do come to a halt, it hits hard. Yesterday and today have not had any major accomplishments. Food was made, kids were bathed, some laundry was done.... but that's about it. No deep cleaning or mopping of floors or art projects. The living room and I are best friends at the moment while I am still trying to fight off this head/chest cold that has been haunting me for the last week. My mind has been racing with thing I need to do but my body has won that disagreement. I need to stop and rest, I know that, but it's so hard.
School starts again in 35 days. I will have a 5th, 3rd, and 1st grader in school from 8:00 am until 2:00 pm. It is great that they will all be there the same times and I won't have to be running back and forth like I did while I had one in Kinder. I am happy for the school year to start, not because I want to kids to leave, but because they enjoy it so much. They love having their separate friends and the chance to be individuals, which is hard here at home for them. There are a few things I am a little worried/sad about when school starts. One, Cambria, she is going to have a hard time with her siblings being gone all morning. I am sure she will come to appreciate the alone time with mommy and with the toys she wants to play with. Second, Desi, this is her last year of elementary school.
This time next year I will be getting my little girl ready for middle school. I don't know if I am ready for that! I remember the challenges that middle school brought and I am worried I won't be enough to help her when some of those challenges arise. Boys, clothes, mean girls.... ugh. Not looking forward to it at all. All the preteen things that we are already dealing with are just the tip of the iceberg. Luckily, she is an awesome kid with no serious attitude problems. Other than getting a little emotional and a slight raising of her voice with certain subjects, we see eye to eye and work out any discrepancies calmly and quietly. I love her to death and couldn't have been blessed with a more perfect first child. Sometimes I think she has made it to easy for me.
So, here is to the next 35 days. Hopefully this calm time will be good for everyone. I believe we all kind of need it.

Blah

Blah, blah, blah.... That about sums up my last few weeks. There has been a lot going on and I feel the tension and stress building up. There are things I do to try and relieve some it like watching a favorite movie, reading, talking with friends, wine..... or writing about it. I have always kept diaries and journals. Writing has always been a release for me. Blogging has been my newest diary, I can put my feelings and worries out there and sometimes get feedback on what to do. Lately it feels as though my ability to vent has been compromised. And it's not just one person that feels what I write or post on other social media outlets is about them. I believe that a lot of it is due to the quality of our relationships with each other. 
Relationships will vary with everyone, that is guaranteed, but what do you do about ones that will never work? Egos get in the way, feeling get hurt, people overreact. IT HAPPENS! Sometimes the relationship even turns toxic, I try to keep my distance from those. My mother and I had a very toxic relationship for a long time, and some of the damage that happened is irreversible. There will always be trust issues. The damage in some of my other relationships is also very irreversible. The best we can do is suck it up and deal with it one day at a time. 
I am not going to change who I am or the things that I believe in. I have been through too much in my life to be put down and muzzled. I am sorry for the way others end up involved but I will not apol
ogize for my feelings.  Hopefully one day there will be a way for all of us to deal with these situations at hand. I can only pray.

Co-Parenting

It has been a few days since my last post, mostly because I received a little heat for the topic. Oh well, move on. This post isn't nearly as angry, I promise. 
Co-Parenting is something I deal with everyday. My oldest two kiddos were fathered by my "high school sweetheart". We were super young and dumb but we made this work. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, her dad has been pretty much all in. He was a great dad while we were together and made amazing efforts when we decided we didn't work well as a couple. When our second daughter was born things were a little more complicated but he still put in a strong effort to be a part of their lives. For the last 7 years he has had the girls three weekends a month and pays child support without a problem. We get along and for the most part have no problems between us.
Now I can not sit here and say things are all roses and sunshine. We have had a good amount of arguments or disagreements. All I can do is offer the little bit of of information on how we make our relationship work.

• Don't talk badly about the other parent in front of your children. This confuses them and makes them feel like they have to pick a side. They should be able to turn to both of you and feel that no matter who they turn to things will be alright.
• Try and agree on some rules for both houses. If your co-parent doesn't allow sodas then try to do the same at your house. This provides a sense of unity and stability in an otherwise chaotic situation.
• Talk to each other. Tell your co-parent about highlights from the week and exciting things that happened at school. Make sure they are aware of school events they can attend. 
• Do not fight in front of the kids! Save it for another time. Meet up for lunch or coffee or make your frustrated phone calls after the little ones are in bed. If they are around the fighting they will feel pulled in two. They will start to feel as if they are the reason that you two are fighting. Don't do that to your babies.

There are plenty of little things you two will have to work out, little kinks that only you two will have. For the sake of your children try to put away the emotional turmoil that has been built between you. Everyone's situation is different and I am not saying it is going to be easy. But try, try for your children to be friends with their other parent. The only ones who truly suffer from a bad co-parenting relationship are the children. Try to make it work in the best way possible for all off you. 

Favorites

   No matter how old you are or where you are in life, there will always be people choosing favorites. Whether it is food, clothes, or even people. It is part of being an individual to be able to choose something you like better than another. But is there any time where favorites shouldn't be allowed? Most parents would say "Yes", that you can not choose a favorite child. I think that is not necessarily the case. I believe that parent love all their children the same but tend to maybe connect with one better than the others. I also believe that whoever a parent connects with better can change on a day to day basis. As parents we learn how to spread our love equally to all of our children. 

   What about when others favor one of your children more than the others. Spoil one more, ask to take the one places with them, generally treat them better than the others. Easy, don't let the one be around the person who is causing the conflict, right? Well sometimes it is not that easy. The one child could desperately love the person of conflict. The person of conflict could be very closely involved in your life. What are some ways you would deal with this situation? Me? Well I am done.

   I am no longer going to sit and watch this destructive behavior happen. I will not watch my other three children be sad because they are not being chosen. It is not ok to ALWAYS choose one child over the others. It is not ok to buy a Disneyland pass for one child. It is not ok to treat my children like crap and then expect them to love you. You cannot do it anymore. I don't care if you don't like me but you are done with my kids until you learn how to love and treat them fairly. Grow up and try to be a better person because right now, you suck.

Beginning of Summer

We are officially on summer vacation! The kiddos ended the school year with straight A's, Medal of Honor awards, and perfect attendance (except Aiden missed 1 day due to ear infection). Overall a great school year. 

This weekend we had another soccer tournament, spent time with family, and made a trip to Disneyland. So far this summer is off to a good start. I am excited for this time I get with the kids.  

I am also giving myself a few goals this summer to try and accomplish. I want to read a few books, which I am open to suggestions, so please leave some. I want to open up my range in cooking, also open to suggestions. I need to figure out a better way to stay active and get a little healthier. Also with that I want to try to eat a little healthier. There are also a few organization goal I have and will probably post those as I do them. I know that this summer will have tons of mishaps and things that go badly, but I will do my best to make things work. 
This summer I really hope that we get a lot of family time in. There are some family members that I do have a hard time being around but I will try to work that out. I know that we will never be close or get along really well and I am fine with that. When we are together I do hope that everyone can try to contain their dirty looks and stupid comments, but we will see how that pans out.
I believe that everyone has a family member(s) that drive them crazy or cause them anxiety to be around. Sometimes talking to them about it works, sometimes it makes it worse. In my case I don't believe there is anything that can fix or strengthen our relationship. We see things to differently and will never be able to agree. My advice on dealing with difficult people is just to love them, but do not give them the ability to bring you down. Drop the expectations of change. Do not get discouraged by things that they say to you or maybe more often behind your back. Try to remember that there are some miserable people out there, and if you have to be around them or deal with them, do not let them tear you down. Misery loves company.
 Be happy. Be gracious. Be thankful. The higher road is always the more difficult to travel.

The Love of My Life

So many people use this phrase not knowing that another one might come along. I have used it when I shouldn't have and also in times where it was true. "The love of my life" just means that you have never in your life, up to that moment, loved a significant other more than you love that person. 
In high school, so many kids  young adults throw the word "love" around. Young women fall in live with everyone, so do many young men. I was victim to this stereotype. I thought I was in love with a boy that was very much in love with me. We were going to get married and be together forever. I didn't love him, I broke his heart. After that, I really fell in love. With all that I was, I loved so hard that I let me emotions get in the way and made some poor choices. I lost some friends and then I became pregnant. At first it was the worst thing that could happen but we were in love and we were going to raise a little family together. By the end of my pregnancy we were pretty happy and wanting to do this full force. We both had jobs and I was finishing school. Our weekends were spent at his house and the days during the week were spent at mine. Everything was going so perfectly that we decided to move together when our daughter was nine months old. That's when it changed. He was gone, I was tired, we were always mad at each other. The love faded and then I left. I moved far away from what I thought was my happily ever after. I took a year and a half to try to forget one to grow and work on myself. He would come visit every few months and his last visit left me with another baby on the way. I moved back home with my mom and tried to make it work. I thought I wanted it so badly. Shortly after being around him again, I realized I was wrong. I no longer wanted my life with him. 
Being a pregnant single mother was hard but after I had my second daughter, there was a guy. I know a lot of people think it was super quick but oh well. He loved my girls and was good to me. I fell for him quickly. It was sudden but welcomed. Within a few months that phrase came up again, he was the love of my life. Ten months into our relationship we were married.

 Now, seven years later, I can still say that about him. Each day that I wake up, I love him more than the day before. He has given me everything I could've  possibly dreamt of. We had two more children to complete our family. My girls are his girls and no one could tell him otherwise. I got lucky. I have never been happier than I am with him. He has been the part of me that I had no idea was missing. Yes, I was very much in love before, but it doesn't come close to the love I have now. I hope that when my girls are older, they get as lucky as I did. I hope they find that kind of love that makes all the past relationships pale in comparison. 
I am so glad I found my love. I am thankful he took a chance on an unsure bet. I am ecstatic that I am the love of his life.