Blah

Blah, blah, blah.... That about sums up my last few weeks. There has been a lot going on and I feel the tension and stress building up. There are things I do to try and relieve some it like watching a favorite movie, reading, talking with friends, wine..... or writing about it. I have always kept diaries and journals. Writing has always been a release for me. Blogging has been my newest diary, I can put my feelings and worries out there and sometimes get feedback on what to do. Lately it feels as though my ability to vent has been compromised. And it's not just one person that feels what I write or post on other social media outlets is about them. I believe that a lot of it is due to the quality of our relationships with each other. 
Relationships will vary with everyone, that is guaranteed, but what do you do about ones that will never work? Egos get in the way, feeling get hurt, people overreact. IT HAPPENS! Sometimes the relationship even turns toxic, I try to keep my distance from those. My mother and I had a very toxic relationship for a long time, and some of the damage that happened is irreversible. There will always be trust issues. The damage in some of my other relationships is also very irreversible. The best we can do is suck it up and deal with it one day at a time. 
I am not going to change who I am or the things that I believe in. I have been through too much in my life to be put down and muzzled. I am sorry for the way others end up involved but I will not apol
ogize for my feelings.  Hopefully one day there will be a way for all of us to deal with these situations at hand. I can only pray.

Co-Parenting

It has been a few days since my last post, mostly because I received a little heat for the topic. Oh well, move on. This post isn't nearly as angry, I promise. 
Co-Parenting is something I deal with everyday. My oldest two kiddos were fathered by my "high school sweetheart". We were super young and dumb but we made this work. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, her dad has been pretty much all in. He was a great dad while we were together and made amazing efforts when we decided we didn't work well as a couple. When our second daughter was born things were a little more complicated but he still put in a strong effort to be a part of their lives. For the last 7 years he has had the girls three weekends a month and pays child support without a problem. We get along and for the most part have no problems between us.
Now I can not sit here and say things are all roses and sunshine. We have had a good amount of arguments or disagreements. All I can do is offer the little bit of of information on how we make our relationship work.

• Don't talk badly about the other parent in front of your children. This confuses them and makes them feel like they have to pick a side. They should be able to turn to both of you and feel that no matter who they turn to things will be alright.
• Try and agree on some rules for both houses. If your co-parent doesn't allow sodas then try to do the same at your house. This provides a sense of unity and stability in an otherwise chaotic situation.
• Talk to each other. Tell your co-parent about highlights from the week and exciting things that happened at school. Make sure they are aware of school events they can attend. 
• Do not fight in front of the kids! Save it for another time. Meet up for lunch or coffee or make your frustrated phone calls after the little ones are in bed. If they are around the fighting they will feel pulled in two. They will start to feel as if they are the reason that you two are fighting. Don't do that to your babies.

There are plenty of little things you two will have to work out, little kinks that only you two will have. For the sake of your children try to put away the emotional turmoil that has been built between you. Everyone's situation is different and I am not saying it is going to be easy. But try, try for your children to be friends with their other parent. The only ones who truly suffer from a bad co-parenting relationship are the children. Try to make it work in the best way possible for all off you. 

Favorites

   No matter how old you are or where you are in life, there will always be people choosing favorites. Whether it is food, clothes, or even people. It is part of being an individual to be able to choose something you like better than another. But is there any time where favorites shouldn't be allowed? Most parents would say "Yes", that you can not choose a favorite child. I think that is not necessarily the case. I believe that parent love all their children the same but tend to maybe connect with one better than the others. I also believe that whoever a parent connects with better can change on a day to day basis. As parents we learn how to spread our love equally to all of our children. 

   What about when others favor one of your children more than the others. Spoil one more, ask to take the one places with them, generally treat them better than the others. Easy, don't let the one be around the person who is causing the conflict, right? Well sometimes it is not that easy. The one child could desperately love the person of conflict. The person of conflict could be very closely involved in your life. What are some ways you would deal with this situation? Me? Well I am done.

   I am no longer going to sit and watch this destructive behavior happen. I will not watch my other three children be sad because they are not being chosen. It is not ok to ALWAYS choose one child over the others. It is not ok to buy a Disneyland pass for one child. It is not ok to treat my children like crap and then expect them to love you. You cannot do it anymore. I don't care if you don't like me but you are done with my kids until you learn how to love and treat them fairly. Grow up and try to be a better person because right now, you suck.

Beginning of Summer

We are officially on summer vacation! The kiddos ended the school year with straight A's, Medal of Honor awards, and perfect attendance (except Aiden missed 1 day due to ear infection). Overall a great school year. 

This weekend we had another soccer tournament, spent time with family, and made a trip to Disneyland. So far this summer is off to a good start. I am excited for this time I get with the kids.  

I am also giving myself a few goals this summer to try and accomplish. I want to read a few books, which I am open to suggestions, so please leave some. I want to open up my range in cooking, also open to suggestions. I need to figure out a better way to stay active and get a little healthier. Also with that I want to try to eat a little healthier. There are also a few organization goal I have and will probably post those as I do them. I know that this summer will have tons of mishaps and things that go badly, but I will do my best to make things work. 
This summer I really hope that we get a lot of family time in. There are some family members that I do have a hard time being around but I will try to work that out. I know that we will never be close or get along really well and I am fine with that. When we are together I do hope that everyone can try to contain their dirty looks and stupid comments, but we will see how that pans out.
I believe that everyone has a family member(s) that drive them crazy or cause them anxiety to be around. Sometimes talking to them about it works, sometimes it makes it worse. In my case I don't believe there is anything that can fix or strengthen our relationship. We see things to differently and will never be able to agree. My advice on dealing with difficult people is just to love them, but do not give them the ability to bring you down. Drop the expectations of change. Do not get discouraged by things that they say to you or maybe more often behind your back. Try to remember that there are some miserable people out there, and if you have to be around them or deal with them, do not let them tear you down. Misery loves company.
 Be happy. Be gracious. Be thankful. The higher road is always the more difficult to travel.

The Love of My Life

So many people use this phrase not knowing that another one might come along. I have used it when I shouldn't have and also in times where it was true. "The love of my life" just means that you have never in your life, up to that moment, loved a significant other more than you love that person. 
In high school, so many kids  young adults throw the word "love" around. Young women fall in live with everyone, so do many young men. I was victim to this stereotype. I thought I was in love with a boy that was very much in love with me. We were going to get married and be together forever. I didn't love him, I broke his heart. After that, I really fell in love. With all that I was, I loved so hard that I let me emotions get in the way and made some poor choices. I lost some friends and then I became pregnant. At first it was the worst thing that could happen but we were in love and we were going to raise a little family together. By the end of my pregnancy we were pretty happy and wanting to do this full force. We both had jobs and I was finishing school. Our weekends were spent at his house and the days during the week were spent at mine. Everything was going so perfectly that we decided to move together when our daughter was nine months old. That's when it changed. He was gone, I was tired, we were always mad at each other. The love faded and then I left. I moved far away from what I thought was my happily ever after. I took a year and a half to try to forget one to grow and work on myself. He would come visit every few months and his last visit left me with another baby on the way. I moved back home with my mom and tried to make it work. I thought I wanted it so badly. Shortly after being around him again, I realized I was wrong. I no longer wanted my life with him. 
Being a pregnant single mother was hard but after I had my second daughter, there was a guy. I know a lot of people think it was super quick but oh well. He loved my girls and was good to me. I fell for him quickly. It was sudden but welcomed. Within a few months that phrase came up again, he was the love of my life. Ten months into our relationship we were married.

 Now, seven years later, I can still say that about him. Each day that I wake up, I love him more than the day before. He has given me everything I could've  possibly dreamt of. We had two more children to complete our family. My girls are his girls and no one could tell him otherwise. I got lucky. I have never been happier than I am with him. He has been the part of me that I had no idea was missing. Yes, I was very much in love before, but it doesn't come close to the love I have now. I hope that when my girls are older, they get as lucky as I did. I hope they find that kind of love that makes all the past relationships pale in comparison. 
I am so glad I found my love. I am thankful he took a chance on an unsure bet. I am ecstatic that I am the love of his life. 

A little advice

This weekend was full of fun. We had a soccer tournament that was super close to home. Our team won 2nd place which was AWESOME!!

 Saturday we also had a mini BBQ with some family. Great weekend overall, but Friday started it off with something I don't do very often. Disneyland, four kids, and by myself. 

We go to Disneyland frequently due to us having passes but if I go alone I usually only take two or three of the kiddos. I almost never take Cambria by myself. Sometimes if I do have all four I will try to convince one of my fellow pass holders to go with me for help. Backpacks, sweaters, a stroller, and four little ones in a very hectic place make for a very clumsy, nervous mommy. Even though I was very skeptic on how the day was going to go I wanted to at least try this on my own. Everything went amazingly! My oldest helped with the stroller and all three older ones were fine with watching shows and doing the "baby" rides. 
During the trip we were stopped a few times by women asking if I was really at Disneyland by myself with four children. 
I knew that this trip was a big deal for me but had no clue it was for other women. I really feel that I owe it to my kids for making me look awesome. They are great kids and are very well behaved in public.
During a little down time this weekend I was on Pinterest and read a blog that had a post about being a mom of four. It was so funny and TRUE!  Here is the link for that one. I can relate to so many things she says. Being a mommy of four IS a lot of work, but it is so worth it for me. It is not a job for everyone, I will say there is always laundry, dirty dishes, and some sort of mess to clean. On the other side there is always hugs, smiles, and tons of love in my house. Here is some advice that I can give on having a house full of kids and keeping it as manageable as possible:

• Try and make a meal plan for a month at a time. Start by doing one week at a time, then continue to increase. This saves so much time and money. 
• Try not to do all your laundry in one day. I pick three mornings a week and that helps make it less stressful. 
• Remember that you need some time to yourself too. Try to schedule sleepovers and stuff at the same time so you can relax.
• Stick to your house rules. Don't sway from them, it will confuse your kiddos and make them want to test their boundaries later.
• Try to find time for little dates with your kids separately . It is amazing how different they are when they are on their own and not competing for attention. No need for day long dates, even just an hour alone with you at the grocery store can make all the difference.
• Remember that there is no perfect mom. You will make mistakes. Things will go wrong. RELAX.

I couldn't imagine my life without my little ones. Each one makes me a better person in some way. I owe everything to them for making me the person I am today.