New Year, New everything

   This last year was a bit of a tough one for most of the people I know. There were so many things lost but yet a lot of "light at the end of the tunnel" moments as well. The people we lost this year are dearly missed and the new additions are greatly cherished. Death and loss really make people wake up, sometimes. Then there are some who are just consumed by grief. All I can do is pray that these people find peace and hope that they remember to love those who are still here and want to help.

That being said, Happy New Year!! The new year always brings out the best in people. At least for a while. Hopefully it brings out the best in all of you. This year is already shaping up to be a busy one for us. Desi was accepted onto the Spring Select team for soccer, which means long practices and weekend long tournaments. She will also have marching band performances at Knotts, Disneyland, and tons of others. Des has been blossoming in Middle School and I could not be prouder! She finished her first semester with straight A's which was no easy feat. Aliyah is top of her class with straight A's as well as Aiden! Proud momma here :) Cambria will be starting Preschool this year, crazy... Not sure I am ready for this. 

     I expect this year to be a tough one for parenting. Desi has been a pretty awesome preteen so far, but you never know what is around the corner. The never-ending task of coparenting with the girls father has taken a turn towards a very tough uphill battle and this may very well be the year it explodes. People change, sometimes not for the better, its a lesson the girls are learning very closely right now. Lets just hope for the best.

    

    Now, on to a happier note, my dad is here for a few days and I am over the moon about it. He is staying with us and we are even doing a Disneyland day! 

     Here is to a New Year! To New Beginnings! To New Friends! To Old Friends! To Lots of Coffee! To Lots of Disney!

    

                                 

Rain, Rain....

    I have taken a few months off from writing, everything that would have been publish would have been sad. Bits of goodness would have been sprinkled throughout but it was a hard couple of months. There have been deaths, births, big losses, and plenty of my people going through very tough times. With all that being said, I think everyone is hopeful for the new year to come!
    I love to read or write when it's cold and raining which is what probably sparked something in me today. The holidays are approaching rapidly and I am so excited/stressed. Bria has become quite the Christmas fanatic. She loves it all! She is so excited and it warms my heart to no end to watch her. Desi has hit full preteen. She will be 12, and couldn't  honestly care less about any of this. Aliyah and Aiden are excited but are moving out of the wonderment stages.  I know this holiday will be a tough one while we miss the people we have lost this year, but I  hopeful that the new memories made will be happy ones.
    I will  be more active on here with all the craziness that will be coming :) I'll need a place to rant! Lets leave this a short and sweet welcome back with a few pictures of my favorite kinda days, rainy, sleepy, almost Christmas time goodness!

Stand not follow

    It has been sometime since I have posted anything which makes me sad. I am "here" now and will not be discouraged to express myself again. There have been things that I have posted on here or on other forms of social media that have caused a little stir with some people, which has made me cautious and has made me hold back on the way I feel. I am no longer going to worry about what I post as it is my right to express myself as long as I do so in a tactful manner. I do not believe that the things that I have said or posted were in any way directed at the people who have had the most to say about them. I do not force anyone to read my blog or be friends with me on any social media. No offense to anyone, but if what I say or post offends you, kindly unfriend or unfollow.

    This has been a hard road for me to get to a place where I do not feel that I need others approval. I wanted so much for everyone to like me and for everyone to be my friend. As I have gotten older and now have young ladies (and boy) I am shaping, I am finding myself explaining to them how not everyone will like them and how to deal with it. But here I am still coping with it today. How do I teach them to search inside and be happy with who they are and to be proud to stand up for what they believe, if I become to timid to do the same? I need to be the strong woman I know that I can be. 
    Loving people is something that can be very hard to do, especially for those who are hard to love. I am working everyday to love and pray for those that have wronged me and I am trying to teach my children to do the same. I know it will be tough for them as time goes, there will be plenty of hard to love people in their paths. it is so important for them to learn that loving someone does not mean that you have to be near them, just that you wish them nothing but the best no matter how they have hurt you. Pray for them everyday. Even if its hard, open your arms to them in their times of need.
    I do believe in standing up for yourself and the things that you believe in. It takes a certain strength to stand while others follow. I want my children to have convictions and strong hearts. My hope is that can always stand during the times they are beaten down. Never to go look to harm, yet never let harm beat them.
    This will be a long road, but with a full heart and a good sense of who I am, I will be able to walk with my head held high and my heart open. As a model to my children I hope they walk the same way down whichever roads they are given. We as parents are the first examples to our children, lets try to do it right. If we show them to love everyone especially themselves, half the battle is won.     

I will try....

    As much as I would like for this to be a fun upbeat post, it is not. There is not much happiness floating around in my family right now. Just a few days ago my family lost a great man. He was one of the most loving, generous people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was always there for anyone at anytime. My Uncle John had been battling cancer for seven months and though there were real times of progress and hope, he lost his battle. 
    Grief is not something that can be overcome simply. Most cannot just wake up one day and say "I am not going to be sad today" and it actually work. You can go all day not breaking down and a simple thing like a piece of celery can set off a world of pain. A pain so deep that you feel like it is damaging every bone in your body. Outsiders don't know what to do. They joke or bring food or do anything to try and take your mind off of the fact that your whole life is now off track and going somewhere you had not seen coming.
    As an "outsider" I am having a terrible case of the "let me help"s. Yes, I lost an uncle, but the pain and torment that my Aunt and cousins are going though is what kills me. I want to be there so bad, but what can I do? Nothing is going to take the hurt and pain away. I know that they have to have this grief, they have to be able to be mad or sad. This is their grief, we have to let them have it. However long it takes I promise to be there for them in any shape or form, as I know they would for me. I pray for my family in this time of pain. I pray that they know that they have people here for them. I pray that they know that they did everything they could have done and not feel guilt over Gods plan. 
    Maybe there will be a day where they will feel they can breathe without the sharp pain. Maybe it will take a very long time for us to make sense of why now? Maybe we will be able to rejoice while remembering his huge heart and loving smile. Maybe we can all strive to be like him in some sense. I know I will. 
    I will try to be a person that helps without thinking. I will try to be a person that gives whatever I can. I will try to teach my children the same values. I will try to smile when I think of him. 
    I will be there for my family.
          I love you, Uncle John. Thank you.... for everything.

Its all uphill from here

    Sometimes your best laid plans don't pan out the way you had hoped. Sometimes they are better, other times they are so much worse. This has pretty much been the theme of my life. No matter how good or bad, each situation or choice has gotten me to the place I am today. For that I am eternally grateful. I love where my life has landed me. Nevertheless, there are still many more situations and decisions to work through.
    A major decision needs to be made soon. My older girls dad has returned after 7 months of being deployed in Afghanistan. Before he left there were many issues that needed to be resolved and I had those 7 months to reflect and decide what I want. My girls are getting older and it is harder to be a good parent in their eyes. To many people, him having the girls most weekends, paying child support, and helping supply needs and wants make him an awesome father. To a point, I agree. 
    To me the lines between great father and glorified babysitter are very blurred. When sitting watching TV together and buying them stuff is no longer enough, what do you do? What do I do as their mother? I had hoped that the time apart would make their relationship stronger, that he would have missed them so much that when he returned it would be hard to pry them apart. This has not been the case at all.  Now, it is time for me to decide to pouch the issue of keeping them with me more. Changing a visitation agreement is nothing that I want to have to go through in court, but it may be my only choice. He refuses to be cooperative with anything and I hate fighting childlike personalities.
    I want my girls to feel emotionally wanted. I want them to feel like they are appreciated. hopefully things get better. Hopefully things get easier. Heres to an uphill battle....
    I pray that I can keep a level head and not let anger or other emotions cloud my judgments during this process.

Is it enough?

    Raising children is difficult. It can be the most trying thing at times. As hard and tiring as it is, there is nothing I want to do more. Being the person I am, I worry constantly. I always am wondering what I can do to help my children in the right path without becoming over barring. As their mother I believe that I should be able to have a say in who they are with and what they do, within reason. I don't expect to dictate their personal relationships when they are older. But seeing as they are all still children, I do have the right to make my opinion known. 
    Co Parenting is hard. It is hard to have different rules and values and expect the children to navigate which to choose and which to disregard. My girls are getting older and are starting to realize the differences in their full time home (mine) and their weekend home (their dad). The past five and a half months they girls have been with me only while their dad is in Afghanistan. My oldest has been doing a little soul searching during this time it seems. She has become angry with her dad and not looking forward to his return. I am not sure how to approach her with the subject. She has suggested changing his visitations when he returns and I probably will. 
    How do you force your child to go somewhere she doesn't want to be? In my opinion, you don't. Our other daughter does not have theses feelings and is truly excited that her father will be back in a little over a month. I am hoping that things go smoothly but I am very cautious. He has made poor choices with them and has let other influences take the front seat. He has brought less than favorable people into their lives and that makes me extremely nervous. 
    As their mom, I only want the best, most outstanding people involved in their lives. I want them to have amazing examples of women to strive to be like. I can only pray that as these next few crucial years pass, that my girls choose the right path. I can only pray that I find a balance with their father. I have to try and trust that I am doing a great job with them and they will not seek to many outside influences.  

Let's get started!

    A new year is here! I kind of took the last few months off because of the craziness that holidays are. Everything went a lot smoother than I had expected. There was no fighting, kids got everything they wanted, and I was not as stressed as I had been. 
    The kids are still on winter break for another week, which is a long time. They have gotten a little stir crazy. Everything has been on break, we don't have soccer, band, chess, or boy scouts. Luckily, this weekend we sent the kids with grandparents and aunts so that they could have a break from each other. I can't wait to be back on a schedule and have the chaos back, it has been to quiet.
    New Years often brings on everyones resolutions and statuses about how they are going to be better or healthier people. I am not one of those people. I believe if there is something you are going to change then you will, regardless of what day it is. 
    Hopefully everyone has the year they want to have or better. I for one, am excited for this year and the changes that will be happening. 

Checking in

    There hasn't been a lot to post about that is any different from the other posts. Still working on schedules, birthdays are coming, and holidays scare me.

    Aiden is going to be six in two weeks and that makes my heart sad. He is my only little guy an is probably the most loving out of the bunch. I only have a few more years to enjoy his innocent heart. 

    Holidays terrify me. Between my husband and me, there are so much family and gatherings we are supposed to be attending. The last two years we have kinda canceled Christmas with local family and drove to meet my traveling dad in random cities. That was a lot of fun. My husband still says our Christmas in a hotel in Oakland was one of his favorite ever. This year we are stick to the same old stuff, I think. Thanksgiving will be a treat though. My dad and other mom will be here! I am so excited about this. Now, the dilemma is to decorate or not. Usually I am not one for decor or anything, it's hard enough to get me to put up pictures on the wall. Hopefully I will get a small urge to make the house "Fall Cozy", but only time will tell. If I do, there will be pictures!  

    Here is to hoping things go smoothly and that I don't pull out my hair by New Years. 

    

Tuesday's Resting Hour

    On Tuesdays I have about and hour completely to myself. Cambria now goes to a grandparents on Tuesdays when the hubby goes to work. It really helps a lot while I juggle picking up from band, taking to soccer, and Cub Scout meetings. Any of you reading that have the blessing of four children know that if you are missing just one it is a completely different dynamic. So, before I go pick up the others from school, I have a chance to catch up :)
    Last week was very hectic. Monday started lovely, I was even thinking that I might have to whole day to relax and do nothing but basic mommy duties. Then I got the call from school just 30 minutes before they were supposed to get out. My little guy was injured. Someone dropped a rock(small boulder) on his finger. The momma bear in me wanted to go find that boy and drop a rock on him! Aiden is one of the most gentle loving kids I know, and it broke my heart to see him in so much pain. We spent the evening in the hospital getting X-rays and getting his pinky cleaned and wrapped. Not broken, but the whole nail was popped off. He is doing ok now, "just hurts a little" he says. 

    Tuesday was the normal, cub scouts and soccer. Desi had a game instead of practice and they won 4-0. (Saturday we won 6-1) It's a great team this year! 

Thursday the girls had a dentist appointment and we found out Aliyah had chipped a tooth and needed a root canal... But as they numbed her as much as they possibly could, she was still feeling it and they realized it was to infected. So by the time we were done there and done filling prescriptions and done visiting with my mom, I was just done. Friday was normal soccer and Saturday we went to the fair! The fair was fun, the kids all enjoyed it and as we were walking a lady stopped us and asked if she could give the kids free tickets to the concert there that night. So, the kids got to see Zendaya, who was on dancing with the stars and  is on Shake it Up, a show the kids love! 

    Busy as always, delightful none the less. 

      So I leave you with a few tips

• Always carry your kids medical cards with you (or at least the number)
• Carry first aid kit (with gauze)
• If you need help with other children, ASK!
• Keep snacks in your car
• Accept that a well planned week may blow up in your face at any given time
• Relax and enjoy the ride

What's direction?!

    Another few weeks go by.... Well, we have had two birthdays since I was on last. Aliyah turned eight and I turned twenty-eight. It was good birthday fun all around. I remember a time where my birthday was important or a big deal to me, but it just really isn't anymore. Aliyah's is two days after so hers takes precedence. 

We had a lovely time this weekend, soccer and Disneyland on Saturday, little get together on Sunday. 
    Soccer was great! 

Desi's team, the Ding-Dongs, won their first game 7-1! Desi made one goal and assisted with three others. She is so happy to be doing what she loves again! Desi has also joined bad this year and will be playing trumpet. Her schedule is filling up quickly, Mon-Fri she has school 8am-2pm; Tue- band 2:15-3:30pm, Soccer 5:30-6:30pm; Thur- band 8:15-9:30am, Chess Club 2:05-3:30pm; Fri- Soccer 5:30-6:30. Then to top it off we have games every Saturday. Busy Desi, busy mom. With Aliyah and Aiden we have Cub Scouts most Tuesdays 6:00-7:00pm, Student Leadership Wednesdays 2:00-3:00pm, and Art class on Saturday mornings 10:20-11:00am.
    Yes, I am exhausted. I have close to no energy, but the kids are happy and that makes me happy. Hopefully they all stick with what they have chosen to do, but only time will tell. I am going to make an effort to have more informative posts. What are things YOU want to know about? What do YOU as readers want hear? I would love feedback and maybe point this blog in a direction! Thanks for reading!!

Raising Girls

    I am no expert, yet, but raising girls is not for the faint of heart. There are many people that have told me that they would rather raise boys than girls because of the emotional stress. Personally, I would rather be emotionally strong than physically.
    My son is a great joy in my life. He is a momma's boy through and through. I absolutely love the hugs and kisses and general concern that comes from him. On the other hand, he is extremely physically exhausting. He needs things done now rather than later and is constantly messy. I love him so much but am glad that I only had one boy.
    The ladies in my life are another story. Each one is very different but so similar in ways. They are emotional, moody, and at times very self conscious. Building these girls into women is a heavy task. I have to be conscious of every word I say or follow. The way I represent myself is a example to them everyday.
    My oldest is coming into the age of puberty and this frightens me. I did not have a really active example in my life at this time in my life. I am trying to make it smooth and comfortable for her. So far, things have been easy. She is an AMAZING young lady. There are a few things I see that I need to work on with her. The main thing is body image. I see her being uncomfortable with her body, and it reminds me so much of how I felt at that age, though totally different aspects. When I was in fifth grade, I was a little chunkier than some of the girls and I had B cup breasts. I was always unhappy. Desi on the other hand in always one of the oldest and usually four to six inches shorter than everyone any is super skinny with an athletic build. Luckily she is really sporty any is starting to appreciate her build. I have to try and make sure she knows how amazing she is!
    My middle girl is stuck in the middle of trying to catch up with the older one and holding on to her silliness. She has got a much softer heart and sometimes it scares me to see how eager she is to make everyone else happy. How do I build self assurance and strength in her without hardening her heart? I want her to know how amazing she is on her own. I don't want her to rely on others to make her feel self worth.

    My baby is wild. She is only two but is definitely going to give me a run for my money. She is snappy, witty, emotional at times, honestly she is the teenager. Hopefully I can help calm her wild heart and occupy her curious nature.

    Whether it's eye rolling or snappy remarks, there are tests everyday for me. Testing my ability to shape these young women. I know as they get older they will make their own choices and move their lives in the direction they choose. My wish is that my girls will have the independence they need, the heart to love others unconditionally, the strength to endure life's hardest times, and a thirst for knowledge.
 

Routine

    Summer is over! School has started and the hubby's vacation is over. Hopefully the routine of being a stay at home mom will creep up gently. I am very much looking forward to routine again. This is also the first time in eight years that I will only have one child most of the day, which scares me. I am not sure what I will do with myself. Mornings will be quiet, evenings and weekend should be pretty busy. We will have soccer, art class, chess club, and Boy Scouts, we will be busy indeed. 
    We didn't do as much as we usually do this summer, but we did have a lot of trips to Disneyland! 

The kids started school this last week and I couldn't be happier with their teachers. Desi is in the highest fifth grade class and loves her teacher. He has always taught fifth grade and seems to know how to get them to challenge themselves. Desi has also joined chess club which, on top of soccer three days a week, will keep her very occupied. Aliyah did so well last year that she was placed in a third/fourth combo class and she loves it! My little man, Aiden, started off in an average first grade class but was moved the next day to a first/second grade class. He loves the challenge and his teacher.

I am such a proud mommy! Hopefully the kiddos enthusiasm for education sticks with them. Now that the older three are in school from 8am till 2pm, I will probably be able to stick to the blog a little better. Here's to hoping! 

Friendships

Another two weeks go by... Well there isn't a lot of exciting things going on right now. At first that was great, I really thought that I needed a calm few weeks before school starts again (21 more days). But honestly I am going crazy! Sure we have made a few visits to Disneyland, but other then that there has been nothing. My kids don't seem to mind nearly as much as I do. Today, ALL four of my kiddos are gone and I am a little stir crazy. Hopefully going out to dinner with one of my closest friends will get me out of this funk. This Saturday I am going to a girls lunch thing with some of my oldest friends. It usually last all day and most of the night, so I am really looking forward to that time with other adult women.

For me, friendships have been hard to maintain. Ever since I was young I have had a hard time opening up to people and letting my guard down. There was always something that I was hiding from everyone, mostly my mother. Almost all my friends in grade school had stable families and mine wasn't like that. I was embarrassed. As I got a little older I became even more guarded. Then being a pregnant teen, I lost most of the people I thought were close friends. There are a few girls that I still talk to from that part in my life and I cherish each one of them. After having Desi I moved out of state and had no one really. Quickly there were all these girls that accepted me with all my faults. The friends I mad while I was living in Oregon are some of my most valued. We don't talk very often, but I truly believe that those women would do anything for me and I the same for them. Ladies, you know who you are :)

Now that I have been back here for quite some time and my marriage is in a super steady place, I have found the need for close friend relationships like the ones you see in the TV shows.... I have Rachel, my oldest closest friend. We went to Kindergarten together then met again in 6th grade. We weren't best friends right off the bat but quickly that changed. High school years were a little hard for us cause we were so wrapped up in boyfriends and such. But when she became pregnant a few months after me our relationship took a turn for the unbreakable kind. We are so different but yet so similar. I am glad to call her my best friend and my sister. Vero, is my other bestie. She keeps me young and gives me the satisfaction of being the "older sister".

She is actually my ex's baby sister. It took awhile for us to become the way we are now (probably because of the age gap) but I don't know what I would do without her. She is also the Godmother to ALL four of the kiddos.

This Saturday ladies lunch will hopefully continue so that I can build a better relationship with these woman that I was friends with in grade school.  The sense of camaraderie is something that I look forward to!

Well have a good weekend, and remember to love and cherish those you are close to!!

A needed calm

It has been almost two weeks since I posted last! Oops! There has been quite a bit going on lately, I guess. Baby showers, weddings, soccer tournaments, holidays, a bit of sickness. Things are much calmer now but for me it is a bit antagonizing. I am so used to the busyness that when I finally do come to a halt, it hits hard. Yesterday and today have not had any major accomplishments. Food was made, kids were bathed, some laundry was done.... but that's about it. No deep cleaning or mopping of floors or art projects. The living room and I are best friends at the moment while I am still trying to fight off this head/chest cold that has been haunting me for the last week. My mind has been racing with thing I need to do but my body has won that disagreement. I need to stop and rest, I know that, but it's so hard.
School starts again in 35 days. I will have a 5th, 3rd, and 1st grader in school from 8:00 am until 2:00 pm. It is great that they will all be there the same times and I won't have to be running back and forth like I did while I had one in Kinder. I am happy for the school year to start, not because I want to kids to leave, but because they enjoy it so much. They love having their separate friends and the chance to be individuals, which is hard here at home for them. There are a few things I am a little worried/sad about when school starts. One, Cambria, she is going to have a hard time with her siblings being gone all morning. I am sure she will come to appreciate the alone time with mommy and with the toys she wants to play with. Second, Desi, this is her last year of elementary school.
This time next year I will be getting my little girl ready for middle school. I don't know if I am ready for that! I remember the challenges that middle school brought and I am worried I won't be enough to help her when some of those challenges arise. Boys, clothes, mean girls.... ugh. Not looking forward to it at all. All the preteen things that we are already dealing with are just the tip of the iceberg. Luckily, she is an awesome kid with no serious attitude problems. Other than getting a little emotional and a slight raising of her voice with certain subjects, we see eye to eye and work out any discrepancies calmly and quietly. I love her to death and couldn't have been blessed with a more perfect first child. Sometimes I think she has made it to easy for me.
So, here is to the next 35 days. Hopefully this calm time will be good for everyone. I believe we all kind of need it.

Blah

Blah, blah, blah.... That about sums up my last few weeks. There has been a lot going on and I feel the tension and stress building up. There are things I do to try and relieve some it like watching a favorite movie, reading, talking with friends, wine..... or writing about it. I have always kept diaries and journals. Writing has always been a release for me. Blogging has been my newest diary, I can put my feelings and worries out there and sometimes get feedback on what to do. Lately it feels as though my ability to vent has been compromised. And it's not just one person that feels what I write or post on other social media outlets is about them. I believe that a lot of it is due to the quality of our relationships with each other. 
Relationships will vary with everyone, that is guaranteed, but what do you do about ones that will never work? Egos get in the way, feeling get hurt, people overreact. IT HAPPENS! Sometimes the relationship even turns toxic, I try to keep my distance from those. My mother and I had a very toxic relationship for a long time, and some of the damage that happened is irreversible. There will always be trust issues. The damage in some of my other relationships is also very irreversible. The best we can do is suck it up and deal with it one day at a time. 
I am not going to change who I am or the things that I believe in. I have been through too much in my life to be put down and muzzled. I am sorry for the way others end up involved but I will not apol
ogize for my feelings.  Hopefully one day there will be a way for all of us to deal with these situations at hand. I can only pray.

Co-Parenting

It has been a few days since my last post, mostly because I received a little heat for the topic. Oh well, move on. This post isn't nearly as angry, I promise. 
Co-Parenting is something I deal with everyday. My oldest two kiddos were fathered by my "high school sweetheart". We were super young and dumb but we made this work. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, her dad has been pretty much all in. He was a great dad while we were together and made amazing efforts when we decided we didn't work well as a couple. When our second daughter was born things were a little more complicated but he still put in a strong effort to be a part of their lives. For the last 7 years he has had the girls three weekends a month and pays child support without a problem. We get along and for the most part have no problems between us.
Now I can not sit here and say things are all roses and sunshine. We have had a good amount of arguments or disagreements. All I can do is offer the little bit of of information on how we make our relationship work.

• Don't talk badly about the other parent in front of your children. This confuses them and makes them feel like they have to pick a side. They should be able to turn to both of you and feel that no matter who they turn to things will be alright.
• Try and agree on some rules for both houses. If your co-parent doesn't allow sodas then try to do the same at your house. This provides a sense of unity and stability in an otherwise chaotic situation.
• Talk to each other. Tell your co-parent about highlights from the week and exciting things that happened at school. Make sure they are aware of school events they can attend. 
• Do not fight in front of the kids! Save it for another time. Meet up for lunch or coffee or make your frustrated phone calls after the little ones are in bed. If they are around the fighting they will feel pulled in two. They will start to feel as if they are the reason that you two are fighting. Don't do that to your babies.

There are plenty of little things you two will have to work out, little kinks that only you two will have. For the sake of your children try to put away the emotional turmoil that has been built between you. Everyone's situation is different and I am not saying it is going to be easy. But try, try for your children to be friends with their other parent. The only ones who truly suffer from a bad co-parenting relationship are the children. Try to make it work in the best way possible for all off you. 

Favorites

   No matter how old you are or where you are in life, there will always be people choosing favorites. Whether it is food, clothes, or even people. It is part of being an individual to be able to choose something you like better than another. But is there any time where favorites shouldn't be allowed? Most parents would say "Yes", that you can not choose a favorite child. I think that is not necessarily the case. I believe that parent love all their children the same but tend to maybe connect with one better than the others. I also believe that whoever a parent connects with better can change on a day to day basis. As parents we learn how to spread our love equally to all of our children. 

   What about when others favor one of your children more than the others. Spoil one more, ask to take the one places with them, generally treat them better than the others. Easy, don't let the one be around the person who is causing the conflict, right? Well sometimes it is not that easy. The one child could desperately love the person of conflict. The person of conflict could be very closely involved in your life. What are some ways you would deal with this situation? Me? Well I am done.

   I am no longer going to sit and watch this destructive behavior happen. I will not watch my other three children be sad because they are not being chosen. It is not ok to ALWAYS choose one child over the others. It is not ok to buy a Disneyland pass for one child. It is not ok to treat my children like crap and then expect them to love you. You cannot do it anymore. I don't care if you don't like me but you are done with my kids until you learn how to love and treat them fairly. Grow up and try to be a better person because right now, you suck.

Beginning of Summer

We are officially on summer vacation! The kiddos ended the school year with straight A's, Medal of Honor awards, and perfect attendance (except Aiden missed 1 day due to ear infection). Overall a great school year. 

This weekend we had another soccer tournament, spent time with family, and made a trip to Disneyland. So far this summer is off to a good start. I am excited for this time I get with the kids.  

I am also giving myself a few goals this summer to try and accomplish. I want to read a few books, which I am open to suggestions, so please leave some. I want to open up my range in cooking, also open to suggestions. I need to figure out a better way to stay active and get a little healthier. Also with that I want to try to eat a little healthier. There are also a few organization goal I have and will probably post those as I do them. I know that this summer will have tons of mishaps and things that go badly, but I will do my best to make things work. 
This summer I really hope that we get a lot of family time in. There are some family members that I do have a hard time being around but I will try to work that out. I know that we will never be close or get along really well and I am fine with that. When we are together I do hope that everyone can try to contain their dirty looks and stupid comments, but we will see how that pans out.
I believe that everyone has a family member(s) that drive them crazy or cause them anxiety to be around. Sometimes talking to them about it works, sometimes it makes it worse. In my case I don't believe there is anything that can fix or strengthen our relationship. We see things to differently and will never be able to agree. My advice on dealing with difficult people is just to love them, but do not give them the ability to bring you down. Drop the expectations of change. Do not get discouraged by things that they say to you or maybe more often behind your back. Try to remember that there are some miserable people out there, and if you have to be around them or deal with them, do not let them tear you down. Misery loves company.
 Be happy. Be gracious. Be thankful. The higher road is always the more difficult to travel.

The Love of My Life

So many people use this phrase not knowing that another one might come along. I have used it when I shouldn't have and also in times where it was true. "The love of my life" just means that you have never in your life, up to that moment, loved a significant other more than you love that person. 
In high school, so many kids  young adults throw the word "love" around. Young women fall in live with everyone, so do many young men. I was victim to this stereotype. I thought I was in love with a boy that was very much in love with me. We were going to get married and be together forever. I didn't love him, I broke his heart. After that, I really fell in love. With all that I was, I loved so hard that I let me emotions get in the way and made some poor choices. I lost some friends and then I became pregnant. At first it was the worst thing that could happen but we were in love and we were going to raise a little family together. By the end of my pregnancy we were pretty happy and wanting to do this full force. We both had jobs and I was finishing school. Our weekends were spent at his house and the days during the week were spent at mine. Everything was going so perfectly that we decided to move together when our daughter was nine months old. That's when it changed. He was gone, I was tired, we were always mad at each other. The love faded and then I left. I moved far away from what I thought was my happily ever after. I took a year and a half to try to forget one to grow and work on myself. He would come visit every few months and his last visit left me with another baby on the way. I moved back home with my mom and tried to make it work. I thought I wanted it so badly. Shortly after being around him again, I realized I was wrong. I no longer wanted my life with him. 
Being a pregnant single mother was hard but after I had my second daughter, there was a guy. I know a lot of people think it was super quick but oh well. He loved my girls and was good to me. I fell for him quickly. It was sudden but welcomed. Within a few months that phrase came up again, he was the love of my life. Ten months into our relationship we were married.

 Now, seven years later, I can still say that about him. Each day that I wake up, I love him more than the day before. He has given me everything I could've  possibly dreamt of. We had two more children to complete our family. My girls are his girls and no one could tell him otherwise. I got lucky. I have never been happier than I am with him. He has been the part of me that I had no idea was missing. Yes, I was very much in love before, but it doesn't come close to the love I have now. I hope that when my girls are older, they get as lucky as I did. I hope they find that kind of love that makes all the past relationships pale in comparison. 
I am so glad I found my love. I am thankful he took a chance on an unsure bet. I am ecstatic that I am the love of his life. 

A little advice

This weekend was full of fun. We had a soccer tournament that was super close to home. Our team won 2nd place which was AWESOME!!

 Saturday we also had a mini BBQ with some family. Great weekend overall, but Friday started it off with something I don't do very often. Disneyland, four kids, and by myself. 

We go to Disneyland frequently due to us having passes but if I go alone I usually only take two or three of the kiddos. I almost never take Cambria by myself. Sometimes if I do have all four I will try to convince one of my fellow pass holders to go with me for help. Backpacks, sweaters, a stroller, and four little ones in a very hectic place make for a very clumsy, nervous mommy. Even though I was very skeptic on how the day was going to go I wanted to at least try this on my own. Everything went amazingly! My oldest helped with the stroller and all three older ones were fine with watching shows and doing the "baby" rides. 
During the trip we were stopped a few times by women asking if I was really at Disneyland by myself with four children. 
I knew that this trip was a big deal for me but had no clue it was for other women. I really feel that I owe it to my kids for making me look awesome. They are great kids and are very well behaved in public.
During a little down time this weekend I was on Pinterest and read a blog that had a post about being a mom of four. It was so funny and TRUE!  Here is the link for that one. I can relate to so many things she says. Being a mommy of four IS a lot of work, but it is so worth it for me. It is not a job for everyone, I will say there is always laundry, dirty dishes, and some sort of mess to clean. On the other side there is always hugs, smiles, and tons of love in my house. Here is some advice that I can give on having a house full of kids and keeping it as manageable as possible:

• Try and make a meal plan for a month at a time. Start by doing one week at a time, then continue to increase. This saves so much time and money. 
• Try not to do all your laundry in one day. I pick three mornings a week and that helps make it less stressful. 
• Remember that you need some time to yourself too. Try to schedule sleepovers and stuff at the same time so you can relax.
• Stick to your house rules. Don't sway from them, it will confuse your kiddos and make them want to test their boundaries later.
• Try to find time for little dates with your kids separately . It is amazing how different they are when they are on their own and not competing for attention. No need for day long dates, even just an hour alone with you at the grocery store can make all the difference.
• Remember that there is no perfect mom. You will make mistakes. Things will go wrong. RELAX.

I couldn't imagine my life without my little ones. Each one makes me a better person in some way. I owe everything to them for making me the person I am today.