As much as I would like for this to be a fun upbeat post, it is not. There is not much happiness floating around in my family right now. Just a few days ago my family lost a great man. He was one of the most loving, generous people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was always there for anyone at anytime. My Uncle John had been battling cancer for seven months and though there were real times of progress and hope, he lost his battle.
Grief is not something that can be overcome simply. Most cannot just wake up one day and say "I am not going to be sad today" and it actually work. You can go all day not breaking down and a simple thing like a piece of celery can set off a world of pain. A pain so deep that you feel like it is damaging every bone in your body. Outsiders don't know what to do. They joke or bring food or do anything to try and take your mind off of the fact that your whole life is now off track and going somewhere you had not seen coming.
As an "outsider" I am having a terrible case of the "let me help"s. Yes, I lost an uncle, but the pain and torment that my Aunt and cousins are going though is what kills me. I want to be there so bad, but what can I do? Nothing is going to take the hurt and pain away. I know that they have to have this grief, they have to be able to be mad or sad. This is their grief, we have to let them have it. However long it takes I promise to be there for them in any shape or form, as I know they would for me. I pray for my family in this time of pain. I pray that they know that they have people here for them. I pray that they know that they did everything they could have done and not feel guilt over Gods plan.
Maybe there will be a day where they will feel they can breathe without the sharp pain. Maybe it will take a very long time for us to make sense of why now? Maybe we will be able to rejoice while remembering his huge heart and loving smile. Maybe we can all strive to be like him in some sense. I know I will.
I will try to be a person that helps without thinking. I will try to be a person that gives whatever I can. I will try to teach my children the same values. I will try to smile when I think of him.
I will be there for my family.
I love you, Uncle John. Thank you.... for everything.
